The following is an unfortunate piece I wrote for my first blog at Wordpress.com. Take it as proof of the necessity of developmental/line editing BEFORE any copy edits or proofreading....
“Hope” is the thing with feathers –
That perches in the soul –
And sings the tune without the words –
And never stops – at all –
And sweetest – in the Gale – is heard –
And sore must be the storm –
That could abash the little Bird
That kept so many warm –
I’ve heard it in the chillest land –
And on the strangest Sea –
Yet – never – in Extremity,
It asked a crumb – of me.
—Emily Dickinson, “’Hope’ is the thing with feathers” (314)
*What's with the long read? The poem?! Dickinson is always a great read, but Goodness! Before an an entire article?
IT’S funny how you could begin to think about something enormous from really anything, including all the small things? What is to stop you from pondering on life’s fickleness and human intention after staring closely at a small flower, or watching a Chinese fantasy drama?
It’s hard to trace thoughts and understand them, especially when you feel like just enjoying a show for the show’s sake, as I was feeling recently. Still, one can’t be lax with one’s own feelings. So, I’ve come to the (impulsive) conclusion that I will have to keep my eyes wide open and observe myself.
I’ve come to see–not realize per se, but just sort of witness–that it’s difficult to be yourself and expect inner and outer peace. Peace without exerting energy or being hurt by other’s brute wills. I’m starting to think this isn’t true peace. Peace is acceptance of limits and recognizing the course of nature, whether human error or something as mechanic and cyclical as hair growing until it can’t anymore. But I think I’ve rambled enough. These are the two things that I’m beginning to ponder about:
1) Struggling with the conflict of people’s intentions vs. their actions, I have wondered how one could excuse their or others’ actions when the results are traumatic, or value their intentions over their actions? Yet, here’s what my mind seemed to say: they can’t be separated, but they also can’t be misinterpreted.
If you have a desire, it may deepen into a goal, and once it’s become a goal, you take steps to realize the goal. Strong intentions are like children, they are really individual in that the lack of limits and a planet-sized, abstract area to play in (while ignorant of limits as a reality). Confidence comes from the purity of one’s clear intentions. Intentional actions are like the wounds–they show the effects of will and its processes. Only by appreciating and reviewing your intentions can you see that full character of your actions.
2) Childhood is an era you long for to revive, if there is an era in a human’s life to desire. You feel almost invincible, it’s never really come to you that there is such a thing as death or loss. You feel as if you always existed (or at least this is what I have felt.) It is as you grow older and try to encounter wonders in people and things that you must make choices that will decide and reveal what you can and can’t deal with. And you have to be strong and willing to be rational with yourself to confront your and others’ demons. In other words, you have to be vulnerable as a child and nurture your own strength. Then what or who can ever really destroy you?
This seems to go for everyone, but I don’t know for sure, maybe it’s just me. I lead a very insular life, so sometimes, I doubt myself, and this all could be part of a cycle of self-pity. But I’m going to take an uncharacteristic gamble and say that you, whoever or wherever you are, you are much stronger than you think you are. Potential strength is still strength, and hope can never burn out if you have this in mind.
It’s funny I couldn’t understand what she meant by “Yet – never – in Extremity,/It asked a crumb – of me.” doesn’t wishing for something require energy better saved? But hope isn’t so theatrical or material. It’s all potential, and what is potential action is just as, if not more significant, than kinetic action.
I think this is all the more reason to love yourself–what you need is already with you everywhere. You’re a natural machine.
Citations
“’Hope’ is the thing with feathers – (314)” Poetry Foundation, https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/42889/hope-is-the-thing-with-feathers-314. Accessed 17 June 2019.